Karen Meeks, Match.com

You’ve just finished a candle-lit feast at a charming Italian place. It’s your first date with Mr. Awesome, who’s gazing at you with crystal blue eyes, and you hope the evening will continue into the night.

Just then the waiter waltzes by and casually deposits the check next to your date’s right elbow. You politely insist that the tab is yours, as you’ve assumed from the beginning. Mr. Perfect declines, "Oh, no," he asserts, "it’s my treat entirely." You awkwardly scramble for your lost Visa in the black abyss of your purse and say, "Really, I’ll take care of it. I asked you out." The waiter shows up to collect his due as your date throws down a stack of twenties. Naturally he goes for the cash and bolts for the register.

Anything goes
In the modern age of "anything goes," couples often encounter some complex issues with dating etiquette. One common misunderstanding is who should pay for a date, the man or the woman—especially early on in a dating relationship. With no hard-set rules to govern the dating game, it’s pretty much up to each individual couple to decide how they’re going to maneuver through the dating game board. Basically it depends on your personal beliefs and boundaries about dating. I found from unscientifically gathered research that singles’ views about who pays for a date run the gamut from ultra-traditional to radically liberal.

It’s a good idea to establish the ground rules before you ask or are asked out. Confusion about who pays can lead to disaster during an otherwise delightful gathering with someone who excites you. Whether you approach the issue from a traditional or a contemporary point of view, let your date know where you stand. Honest communication on the subject could lead to a potentially fruitful relationship or crush a bad one before it happens.

Laying down the ground rules for who pays
Explain your expectations about covering dating costs. "I’ll pick up the tab this time. Next time it’s your treat." "Let’s grab a bite after work. Dutch okay?" "I’ve got tickets for the concert Saturday. I’d love for you to join me." If your date insists on paying when you’ve clearly stated that it’s your treat, let him/her do so, or negotiate a Dutch agreement. If this is bothersome to you, decide for yourself whether or not that will be the first and last date.

Your paying for the date shouldn’t be used to make your companion feel obligated to have sex with you, go out with you again or like/love you forever. Always bring cash or credit cards with you, even if your date offers to pay. Be prepared to pay for a portion of the costs, if necessary.

It’s safer to plan a casual, less-expensive date for the first time out than going to a formal dinner or black tie ball. You can get to know each other better in a more comfortable situation, and make it easy to go Dutch, if that’s how you agree to pay.

by Karen Meeks
© Match.com