filling out your profile on an online dating site, it's often easy
to get carried away and feel like you're ordering your perfect date
from an a la carte menu. With an image in your head of your
ideal match, you start clicking check boxes and making selections.
But these choices could prevent a potentially good match, even someone
who fits your criteria exactly, from responding to your profile.
Before you post your profile, think about what others might imply
from your selections, and whether or not your choices are carved-in-stone
requirements, or more negotiable preferences.
in order to appear in as many search results as possible, people
will select wide ranges in their preferences for age, weight, height,
or mileage willing to travel. To some, this might seem like they're
open-minded, but to others, it just screams "desperate."
Are you really willing to date someone aged 18-99, between 3'6"
and 7'11" who lives in outer East Mongolia? Unless, of course,
you're from outer East Mongolia. Putting some limits on your criteria
could actually make you more attractive to a larger range of people.
On the other hand, strict criteria can be too limiting. For instance,
one of the greatest advantages of online dating is that you can
meet people you wouldn't ordinarily meet in your everyday life.
So why would you want to limit the people you might meet to those
living within ten miles of your home?
aspect of dating profiles that ruffles a lot of feathers is physical
requirements. Some people have very narrow windows of what is acceptable
to them. While they are entitled to their preferences, they may
be unaware that they're ideal mate could find those preferences
a turnoff, even if he or she fits the bill. For an extreme example,
let's say a 42 year old man is seeking a woman between the ages
of 18-40. A 38 year old woman might be everything he's looking for
and more, but if she sees that he's willing to date someone more
than half his age, she might think he's just looking for some arm
candy. Even women within the age range specified may feel as though
they're viewed as disposible, as though they might be traded in
for a newer model in a few years. Thalia, a member of Dating Advice
Forums (DAF), explains, "This sort of thing concerns me because
it is a little insulting. I mean, I'm not gonna be this age forever!
Although I'd always be younger than him, but still... I guess I
am sticking up for the woman I am going to be in a few years."
many men will state that they are looking for a fit woman. Some
are vulgar about it, and say things like, "No fat chicks."
Not surprisingly, even thin women are disgusted by remarks like
that. Other times, they will try to be more delicate, and say that
they'd prefer someone who's in shape, or under a certain weight
or dress size. However, a lot of women, even skinny ones, don't
think they're thin enough. They don't want to take the chance of
hooking up with a shallow guy who might reject them if their weight
fluctuates. Another problem is that men often don't know what certain
weights or sizes look like on a woman. Someone who's 5'9" and
a size 12 could look thinner than someone who's 5'2" and a
size 8. Adding to the confusion, many women lie about their weights,
and many men really think the 5'10" Playboy Centerfold, with
the amazing 36-24-36 curves, actually weighs just 110 pounds. Hint:
She doesn't. Mermaid from DAF adds her opinion, "If someone
lists specific physical attributes, even if he describes me in perfect
detail, it is grounds for me deleting the email or moving on to
the next profile. Someone that is so bent on certain physical features
is not the man for me. Sure, physical attractiveness is important,
but aren't other things important besides a perfect ass?"
aren't the only ones with strict criteria. Some women insist on
dating a tall man, even if she is short. Other preferences that
can backfire include high minimum standards for income and education
level. Some think that these requirements will weed out the unemployed
and the unintelligent, but it might just make one look like a shallow
gold-digger. Lissa, a DAF moderator, says, "If you truly don't
care if someone's a college grad, it might be a good idea to take
that preference out of your ad. It's possible that a wonderfully
intelligent non-college grad would decide not to answer your ad
because of that preference."
most bizarre criteria I've heard about was from a post on Dating
Advice Forums. A woman saw an ad from a guy whose otherwise normal
profile ended with a line about how he'd prefer if the woman's name
need to ask yourself if your criteria is really a preference, or
a can't-live-without-it requirement. If you're deadly allergic to
pets, then by all means state that you can't date someone with pets.
If you're a reformed alcoholic, you don't want to date someone who
drinks, even casually. You are most certainly allowed to have unwavering
standards, but you must be aware that those standards will limit
your number of eligible people to date.
vs. Requirements © 2003 Lorina.Net
Written by Lorina with the help of the fine members of Dating
Advice Forums. Lorina is the webmaster
and administrator of this site, as well as numerous other online dating
and personal ad resources such as Dating
Advice Forums and Dating